a brutal plane ride

satan attacks and he attacks strong! i was caught so off guard, despite how deeply ready i thought i was. i was surprised that it was physically hard to follow what the L-rd had asked me to do. here is a few choice parts of what i wrote in my journal on the flight from New York to Cairo:

my mind is racing with thoughts i cannot control. i feel so exhausted. i have reached a point of desperation. i have never felt so full of fear. there is a battle going on inside me--a fierce battle for my heart and for my mind. never, in my life, have i heard the L-rd's voice so clearly in some ways and not in others. i believe He has called me to Cairo for the next ten weeks. that is all i know. i have plenty of thoughts and scenarios, all of which i have worked up in my mind. trusting the L-rd this way is new territory. i've never walked this path before. however, it feels as though i am reclaiming ground i surrendered to the enemy a long time ago. there are areas that the L-rd has been shut out of--areas i have shut myself out of. He wants to redeem all of them. completely. He offers grace and mercy to all of me. ... i want everything the L-rd offers because He keeps His promises. i want the confidence i find in J-sus, not confidence that seemed shortlived. i am asking the Lord to heal my heart and make me new. i am begging the L-rd to take my thoughts captive. i know and believe the Lord can take control of my mind. i may feel trapped, but He certainly is not. "Behold, I have taken from you the cup of staggering." He can control everything i am thinking and feeling because He knows it already. i am begging Him for rest and rescue. i know this is a spiritual battle. i know satan wants nothing more than to leave me ineffective to what God has asked of me. I know G-d is my victory and He IS here, but it seems that triumph is a long way away. ... The L-rd has plans. good ones. i will trust His plans instead of making my own. Father, give me strength. give me rest. give me confidence. heal my heart. cleanse my life. captivate my mind. show me who You are and who You want me to be. don't let me dwell on the past or on the things i don't know. focus my mind and my heart on You. i beg You to rescue me from my desperation. transform it into a desperation for You. let me pursue only You.

my mom prayed that the L-rd would provide a friend to sit next to on the plane, and one arrived. 11 hours later, after we had watched movies, spilled our hearts, talked about what G-d is doing in this nation, she handed me a letter full of promises to claim.

in this you rejoice, though now for a little while if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes...though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of J-sus Chr-st.
1 Peter 1:6-7