pig what?

i am about to take you on an excursion the likes of which you've never even dreamed of.

you will have follow this post EXACTLY as i tell you, otherwise you will miss very important, funny parts.

first, let me give some background. i am white. i am a foreigner. there are other white, foreigners currently being quarantined for swine flu (that is the last time i will use that phrase...here on out, it is the thing of which we do not speak...sort of.). so, in the country that slaughtered all the pigs to avoid a situation like this...we find that W.H.O. was right...it doesn't come from pigs. it comes from people. from other countries. aka: white foreigners.

so. yesterday, courtesy of my U.S. dr, i headed to the lab for a few blood tests. i got a special call from a special person at the hadonna i am working at, letting me know that my absence (from my illness) had created a bit of panic among the parents. (remember, i am a white foreigner). it was requested (demanded) that i be tested for that of which we do not speak. so we went to the lab, and requested the other blood tests and the "special" test. i wish i could show you a picture of shock that was on the man's face when we said those words...unfortunately i do not have it. so, i went to the sampling room (literally) and got stuck more than once as they collected a few vials of the red stuff.




then, we proceeded to find out more information about my "special" test. due to the slight panic in the area regarding this issue...we were told that we'd have to check me into a government hospital and i'd be stuck there until they decided to let me go...which could literally have been days. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
so, thru friends, phone calls, text messages, and the internet...we found a special place that would possibly test me themselves and not worry about it. i have the antibiotic with me, and i would at least have the paper to say i'm negative.

so today, we set out on an adventure to find this place. here is the first part of our day:


we ended up going to the american embassy (which, by the way, is not run by americans, come to find out. however, it was a bit like being home...what with the american flag in the corner. they said, no they won't test anyone but embassy employees. great. so we hopped into another taxi. after a LOT of explaining, we found where we were supposed to go. its like a secret, black op, health organization working here with the ministry of health. they're response to my request? we'll get kicked out of egypt if we do that. them and us.
GREAT.
so, we were given advice...if i walked into the hospital and asked for the test, i'd be kept. by requesting it, i'm submitting myself to their authority, with no rights as a citizen of any country. my response was....NO THANKS. so we left.
Part 2:


needless to say, the test was never performed (it would have been negative...but just for the heck of it, i attempted to act our the words of that of which we do not speak. i'm supposed to be a sick pig)


end result? no test. self administered drugs. and a kindly requested 7 day absence from the hadonna. awesome.

(tomorrow, i'll share something Godly...but laughter is good for the heart and that's Biblical!)